Eff You Transplant

I've lived "in Chicago" all of my life. Notice that I put "in Chicago" in quotation marks. There's a reason for that. I was born in Evanston, which is one suburb away from Chicago city limits. I grew up in Glencoe, which is a snotty suburb on the North Shore of Chicago. I lived in Pennsylvania for 3 years, and often don't admit that. Then I moved back to Glencoe when I was nine. I moved out of Glencoe into "the City" when I was 17 and lived there up until I got married at 25. I lived in Plainfield for three months after I got married, and pretty much wanted to die the entire time. Then I moved to my final destination, Oak Lawn, which is as close to "the City" as Evanston is, though definitely not the good part of the city. People tend to jump down your throat if you say you're from Chicago and your mailing address is in the suburbs. You apparently get these rights stripped away the moment you lose that 606 zip code. It's really important not to make this mistake and instead offer up the neutral "Chicagoland area." However, if you say "I'm from the Chicagoland area" and you're south of 80, fuck you asshat. Here's the thing. My great-grandparents all came here from Russia, Germany, Lebanon, whatever. Direct from Ellis Island to Chicago. They didn't live in the Chicagoland area, they lived in Chicago. The Chicagoland area back in those days was farm or whatever, and certainly not streetcar accessible. The people who bitch about the semantics are like Michigan transplants. They're pretty much the morons who made the really bad "Shit Chicago People Say" video who only referenced a few North Side bars in the Wrigleyville/Lincoln Park area. They're the kids from Iowa who felt really trapped in their small towns and got out and every day wake up and go "OMG I live in Chicago!" You know what, kid from Iowa? Fuck you, I'm from Chicago. My people were here first. I love immigrants and think they should hang out in the US to get a better life, but you Iowa kids? Go back to fucking Iowa! Stop telling me how good Pequods pizza is. It's just as good as Uno's, Due's, and Lou Malnati's. And try a fucking beef sammich sometime. Deep dish pizza is a once-a-month thing. Stop having "Chicago-themed" weddings. Are you serious? You have nothing else to identify yourselves as a couple other than both of you live in Chicago? No, I was not at Navy Pier on the 4th of July. I was blowing up out-of-state-obtained fireworks on my driveway with a case of cheap beer and a bucket of water in case anyone's hair caught on fire. I was around to hear the Empire Carpet jingle before there was an "800" in front of the phone number. I remember when everyone had a 312 number. I don't know what the good hotels are around here because I live here, so stop asking. You're not from Chicago. You may live in Chicago, but you're not from Chicago.

A Quickie - Awesome Korean Style Dipping Sauce

A very quick post. It's so easy to buy frozen pot stickers or whatever and cook them, but it's so hard to find a good sauce to dip them in. So I spied on my MIL who makes a really awesome sauce and figured out the basic ingredients. I never use exact measurements, but you could do something like....

1 cup soy sauce (I use light and it's fine)
2 tbsp rice vinegar
1 tbsp crushed red pepper
2-3 chopped green onions
2 tbsp sesame seeds
1/4 tsp sesame oil
6 cloves finely chopped garlic
1/4 tsp anchovy powder

Stir. Dip. Enjoy. You're welcome.

Risotto with a Side of Patience

I love risotto, and it's really easy to make, despite years of failed attempts and my mother's reassurance of "risotto is supposed to be crunchy", no, it's really not. It just takes a little patience and for log's sake, don't follow the times on a recipe. It's really just a process of adding broth and tasting, adding and tasting, repeatedly. So, you might be full by the time it's done but it does provide some excellent leftovers.

Supposedly 1 cup of Arborio rice serves four people. I guess four normal people might eat that much but with two normal adults and two kids, you'll get about one adult serving of leftovers. So yeah, just go with a cup to serve four people. You'll also need 4 cups of broth. I used some veggie stock I'd made back when I did a lobster pot pie, but I normally use chicken broth. The veggie stock is great if you have vegetarians to feed, and still tastes good. You'll also need one onion, 1/4 cup of heavy cream (I don't mess around), some Parmesan cheese (I use the Kraft shakey kind and do mess around), and whatever ingredients you want to add to the risotto. This time I used some leftover Johnsonville cheesy sausage, asparagus and baby bella mushrooms. You can use shrimp, chicken, frozen mixed veggies, whatever floats your boat.

Plan on using about three burners on your stove. This is probably not a great dish to make on a hot day. Heat your broth to almost boiling and turn the burner on low to keep hot. Also melt some butter or olive oil in a pan and fry up your onion (after you dice it, of course). I've used shallots before but an onion is just fine.

I also used a third burner to fry up my veggies and sausage to add in after the rice is done. You don't want to cook these with the onions because you want the onions to mix with the rice and broth and so during the process of softening the rice, you'll soften up the veggies too much and that just won't do.

Now is the time to exert some extreme patience. Toss the Arborio rice in with the onions and shake them around to get the rice a bit toasted and oily. I don't know why that's important and haven't tried skipping this step, but maybe you could. But it's only for a few seconds, so suck it up and just do it. Next you're going to want to add 1/4 - 1/3 of the hot broth (doesn't that sound dirty?) and turn the heat down on the rice to a simmer. Then you wait. And wait. Once the rice has absorbed all of the broth, throw in 1/4 - 1/3 of the hot broth again. And wait. And wait. Rinse. Repeat. Okay, don't rinse, but do repeat. Repeat and wait and repeat and wait as the rice absorbs the broth until you can't feel any more firmness in a grain of rice and it's soft and chewy, almost like a porridge. Then you're ready for the final steps.

Now add the heavy cream, Parmesan and veggies and give the risotto (you can call it that now) a good stir. Serve into individual bowls with some crusty bread and enjoy every calorie.

Isn't it lovely?

Cranberry Turkey Burgers...or Meatballs...whatever floats your boat

Apparently I don't cook anything unless there's at least 4 words in the description.

Start with about 1 lb of ground turkey. I buy the stacks of frozen turkey burgers from Costco, so this would be the equivalent to36 patties, since each one is 1/3 lb.

Put the ground turkey in a bowl and add...

2 small handfuls of dried cranberries.
Some chopped parsley
1/2 packet of onion soup mix.
1 tsp turmeric.
1 egg.
Some Matzo meal or breadcrumbs.
Parmesan
Sriracha

I've done this recipe with green onions, black pepper, jalapenos, whatever. Go crazy. As long as you get the turkey and cranberries in there, you're getting the general idea.

Mix everything together and either form patties or grab a tablespoon measuring spoon. Use this to scoop and form meatballs. I wanted to grill these, so I made patties, but with meatballs you can fry them in a bit of olive oil or butter. Best to fry in batches, or else they're going to all stick together.

Make sure you cook them thoroughly, or if you plan to make them to eat later, cook until the outside is just cooked and then microwave or put in the oven just before eating, like if you want to make them party food.

These are really good alone, or served over rice in lettuce cups.

Mother's Day Decoupaged Vase

What to do with kids artwork, part 1 of infinity.

My kids bring home so much artwork from school, and for the most part I stash it all in a big bin until I can decide what to do with it. I'm always looking for fun ways to preserve it and this was pretty cute, IMHO.

I also happen to have a few cheap vases lying around from when I get a delivery from 1-800-flowers or something. I don't claim to be getting roses every Friday, but I did have two of them and have no use for fresh cut flowers sitting around the house for the cats to eat and vomit up on the counter.

This is the part that made my son cry. I took a few pieces of painted artwork and cut them into small pieces. "I don't like it when you do that," he tells me. Oh well, it's better than throwing it in the garbage, but of course I can't say that to a four year old. One day he'll appreciate it. Today is not that day. Anyway, take each piece of cut paper and either dip it or brush with some Mod Podge and attach it to the vase. I worked bottom up so I could get a feel for how the paper would respond since the top part is a lot curvier.

I considered this curve for a good five minutes before taking it on. Luckily the paper gets really soft even though it's crusted over with 18 layers of paint when it's immersed in the Podge.

See the edges picking up a bit? This needed a few more coats.

I ended up doing two of these - one for my mom and one for my MIL. I did one matte and one glossy, and I liked the glossy better so I'll keep that in mind for next time.

Put a bouquet in and enjoy!

Argentinian Steak Sammich

Okay, I wouldn't exactly claim to know what I'm doing in the realm of South American food...wait, Argentina IS in South America, right? See, I don't even know where the damn country is. Wait...Argentina IS a country, right? Hooray for public school edumacation!

The one thing I do know about Argentinian food is that you need a good Chimichurri sauce. I have no idea what Chimichurri means nor do I think I can pronounce it right. It's pretty similar to how I make cilantro pesto with a few variations.

I had some fresh parsley and I managed to scrounge up the last little pathetic bundle of cilantro at da Jewels, so I used an even portion of each, maybe totalling to about one cup if you smashed it all together. Then I used too much garlic, according to Charlie, a shallot, and the juice of one lemon and threw it all in the food processor.

There is nothing prettier than a white dish full of spices. This is about 3 tbsp of salt, 1 tbsp of pepper and 1 tbsp of red pepper that my MIL dropped off the other day. Forget McCormick crushed red pepper, this stuff makes that stuff taste like white sugar.

Then add 3/4 a cup of olive oil (or so...measuring is for chumps) and maybe 3 tbsp (or so) of red wine vinegar. Let it mix up in the food processor.

Chimichurri! It looks a bit lighter than I expected it would, but it was pretty good. Though per Charlie, too much garlic. Everything I make gets at least one piece of criticism from Charlie, and that was it this time.

For the steak, I improvised and used the same spice mix (salt, pepper, red pepper) that I used for the sauce and mixed in some olive oil.

Add the marinade to some slightly tenderized steaks. I used ribeyes because, well...they're the best. I guess if you're not into steaks with a higher fat content then meat content, you should use strip or flank steaks, but I'm a ribeye girl, and it's not like I eat red meat often enough to care about the fat content of my steaks, blah blah blah. Why am I apologizing?

Have someone who knows what they're doing (maybe even you!) to grill the steaks. These were more cooked than we liked but that's the whole point of Argentinian steaks, I hear. They're not supposed to be mooing. I served these on French rolls with the chimichurri sauce drizzled (okay, slathered) on the meat. Good stuff!

Then the next morning, take some leftover steak, leftover grilled corn, some chimi and hot sauce and throw it all in a tortilla. Breakfast of champions!

Leg of Lamb, Swedish Style

Enough with the Passover food, time for Easter.

Well, okay, Easter was last week, but I did cook! It was Easter at Ikea. Or Easterkea? I-Easter? I dunno. We actually just called the whole weekend Eastover.

I had a beautiful leg of lamb in my freezer from a 1/2 lamb we got in October. I really wanted ham, but lamb rhymes with ham and is just as good, if not better.

Usually when I make leg of lamb I use Marcus Samuelsson's recipe from the Aquavit cookbook. However, it was Easter Sunday, and I hadn't really planned it out, so I had to modify the recipe a bit and use what we had in the house.

1/2 cup olive oil
1 cup mustard. I used the Ikea Swedish style mustard you're supposed to serve with Gravlax. It has dill in it, and I thought that couldn't hurt. Grey Poupon is what I usually use, or any Dijon style mustard.
Juice from 1 lemon
Chives, chopped (or whatever fresh herbs you have lying around)
Garlic, chopped
1 tbsp of Greek seasoning. I used this. Cavender's would work nicely, too. Make sure you use the kind with salt.

Mix all of these ingredients together to make a really pretty sauce and spread it all over your leg of lamb. Use all of it. You want to put your leg of lamb in a 275 degree oven and let it cook for 4-5 hours, depending on how done you want it. My leg of lamb was still a bit frozen and so I did 5 hours. A meat thermometer will come in handy here. Make sure the inside is at least 165 degrees. Mine was 180, whoops, but it was totally fine.

Marcus Samuelsson suggests either basting it frequently, or just letting it go and building a nice crust. I like basting mine, but do whatever, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life.

When the lamb is thoroughly cooked, crank the oven to 425 and let it crisp up for about 20 more minutes. Then take it out and tent it for 20 more minutes. This 40 minute interval was used to prep the rest of Easter dinner and cook it, because there's not much you can cook in your oven at 275 degrees so seize the opportunity.

Don't skip the tenting time, because it really lets the juices spread within the entire cut of meat. You'll appreciate that when you're eating it, trust me. I like to cut the whole thing up and put all of the meat back in the pan so it can soak up the cooked sauce that's mixed with the juices from the meat.

A truly random and Swedish/Ikea/Samuelsson inspired Easter dinner. Leg of lamb, asparagus, Hachapuri (okay, so Russian), gravlax on Matzah (okay, what ELSE can one really do with leftover Matzah?), and potatoes au gratin. Delish!